You Will Attract Everything (Once You Let Go)

Expectation 1: I've Done the Work, So Now I'm Owed This [00:01:23]

• Many hard-working individuals feel stuck because they're keeping score of what they believe they are owed based on their effort.
• This "neediness" can be sensed by others, making them resistant, whether in business, love, or friendships.
• The speaker shares his experience launching a podcast, where initial lack of audience growth led him to release the expectation of quick results and focus on service and value.

  "The tighter you grip what you think you are owed, the less room there is for it to arrive and come to you."

Releasing the "Owed" Expectation [00:05:35]

• Instead of focusing on what you're owed, shift your intention to service, adding value, learning, and building relationships.
• This shift in internal expectation allows others to resonate more deeply with your work.
• The key is the energy of expectation; letting it go while continuing to show up and take action attracts positive outcomes.

  "But it's more around the energy of the expectation when you can let that go and continue to show up and take action and add value."

Action: Identify Your "I Did X, So I'm Owed Y" Contracts [00:07:13]

• Write down "I did _. So I'm owed _." and fill in the blanks honestly to uncover silent contracts.
• Choose one contract and continue doing the work on the left side while crossing out the right side (what you're owed).
• Stop attaching expectations and results to your efforts, observing how people respond differently.

  "I want you to take out a piece of paper and I want you to finish this sentence as many times as you can."

Expectation 2: I Should Be Where They Are By Now [00:10:11]

• Comparing your life and progress to others' timelines, especially those you admire, steals joy and creates feelings of inadequacy.
• This often happens when looking at social media highlights or friends who seem to be achieving milestones faster.
• The speaker recounts feeling frustrated as a freshman athlete comparing himself to older players, only later realizing the upperclassmen had put in more time and overcome challenges.

  "Comparison is the thief of joy."

Trusting Your Timing [00:13:11]

• A mentor told the speaker, "money comes to you when you're ready for it," implying that receiving things too soon without the necessary maturity or tools can lead to sabotage.
• This period of struggle, though painful, can be a necessary preparation for future success.
• Focus on consistently taking action rather than demanding immediate results, trusting that the right timing will bring things to you, perhaps in unexpected ways.

  "Money comes to you when you're ready for it."

Action: Examine the Lives of Those You Compare Yourself To [00:16:09]

• Identify someone you frequently compare yourself to and investigate what their life was like at your current stage.
• Look at their early social media posts, interviews, or ask them directly about their experiences.
• You'll likely find they also struggled, were scared, or had smaller beginnings, which can help you stop feeling behind and start learning.

  "Most of the time, you'll see that they were struggling also."

Expectation 3: If They Really Cared, They'd Know What I Need [00:18:22]

• Many relationships falter because people expect loved ones to intuit their needs without clear communication.
• This leads to hurt and withdrawal when expectations aren't met, creating distance.
• The belief that asking for what you need diminishes its value is a common relationship killer.

  "So what does this mean? Well, you expect your partner to notice that you had a bad day."

Communicating Needs and Creating Agreements [00:22:38]

• Developing the emotional maturity to state your needs directly and ask if they can be met is crucial for healthy relationships.
• The speaker shares how he and his wife, Martha, chose to start their relationship with therapy to establish clear communication and agreements early on.
• This proactive approach helps identify potential incompatibilities and build a stronger foundation, avoiding later conflict.

  "But when you just expect someone else to know what you want or know what you need, you're going to be resentful of them because you're holding on to an expectation."

Action: Ask for What You Need [00:27:59]

• Identify one person and one thing you've wanted them to do, then ask for it using phrases like, "Would you be willing to...?"
• Crucially, be prepared to accept a "no" as an answer, giving the other person a choice rather than imposing an expectation.
• When people feel they have a choice, they are more likely to say yes.

  "Would you be willing to text me when you're running late?"

Expectation 4: It Has to Show Up the Way I Pictured It [00:29:29]

• People often overlook or reject opportunities because they don't perfectly align with their preconceived vision.
• Life rarely delivers exactly as imagined; unexpected paths can lead to greater fulfillment.
• The speaker recounts his initial expectation of being single for a few years after a difficult breakup, only to meet his wife, Martha, unexpectedly and feel an immediate sense of safety and acceptance.

  "And anything that doesn't match that picture, you say no."

Embracing the Unexpected Feeling [00:33:42]

• Focus on the desired feeling (e.g., safety, inspiration, love) rather than the specific outcome or person.
• Identify three other ways you could achieve that same feeling within the next year or two.
• Say "yes" to invitations you might normally decline, without pre-judging where they might lead.

  "That feeling is what you're really after."

Expectation 5: If I Stop Expecting It, I'll Stop Getting It [00:37:30]

• This fear prevents many from releasing other expectations, yet good things often appear after people stop chasing them.
• Letting go allows for relaxation, better decision-making, and makes it easier for positive things to find you.
• Releasing expectations doesn't mean abandoning desire or work; it means stopping the demand on how, when, and from whom things should arrive.

  "And when you let go of the expectation, it gets easier for good things to find you."

Action: Focus on Your Part, Not Just the Numbers [00:40:10]

• Choose a goal you're holding onto tightly and limit checking the associated numbers (e.g., followers, sales, weight) to once a day.
• Ask yourself daily: "Did I do my part today?" focusing on consistent action rather than obsessive tracking.
• This reduces anxiety and allows you to notice what shows up when you're not constantly monitoring progress.

  "Checking them every hour just makes the expectation stronger for you."

Letting Go of the "100 Million Lives" Goal [00:43:51]

• The speaker shares his long-held goal of impacting 100 million lives weekly, a target his business has yet to reach after eight years.
• He learned to let go of the frustration and the need for it to happen on a specific timeline, focusing instead on controllable actions like improving episodes and empowering his team.
• This shift brought peace and continued growth, even without hitting the exact target yet.

  "And over the last six months, those numbers continue to grow. And we still haven't reached the 100 million life a week goal. But I'm okay with it."

The Power of Letting Go [00:47:30]

• Releasing expectations doesn't mean settling; it means maintaining high standards while letting go of rigid demands about timing, method, or source.
• This allows for creativity, inspiration, and freedom, attracting desired outcomes faster.
• The speaker reflects that he wouldn't have been emotionally ready to receive his wife, Martha, ten years earlier, emphasizing that love, like money, comes when you are ready.

  "The moment you start to let go of expectations, it doesn't mean you let go of the work."