Unreliable Boyfriends & Unexpected Proposals

A Harrowing Sunday Morning in Southie [00:00:00]

• The speaker recounts a chaotic college Saturday night that ended with a desperate Sunday morning.
• She woke up in a stranger's apartment, disheveled, with a dead phone, and no way to get home.
• Standing on a curb in the freezing Boston weather, she experienced a moment of panic and tears.

  "And I'm standing on the curb, and I'm waiting for my Uber, and my phone dies. And I'm like, oh, and I'm looking like a full, I am looking like I have been working all night, okay, and I'm on that corner, and it was one of those moments where I cried, and I sat on the side of the road because I didn't know how to contact the man back upstairs, I didn't know what to do, I'm in Southie, I really don't know where the fuck I am, I'm so far from BU, the college that I went to."

A Stranger's Help and a Class to Attend [00:01:15]

• A kind stranger offered his phone, allowing her to call another Uber.
• She managed to get to her sign language class, albeit in a very disheveled state.
• Her outfit consisted of stiletto heels, her ex-boyfriend's t-shirt, and an oversized winter coat.

  "He let me use his phone, I called another Uber, I got into my Uber, and I went to class. I went to class, and if I can find the picture, I will post it because it is me in stiletto strap-up heels. I'm wearing the man's large T-shirt from the night before. I forgot my dress because I couldn't find it, and we didn't have time to find the dress."

College Days and Contrasting Saturdays [00:02:30]

• Her ex-boyfriend's reaction in class suggested he was glad to be away from her that morning.
• She describes the lingering smell of vodka on her hair.
• This experience was typical of her Saturdays in college and during her time in New York City.

  "My ex-boyfriend, who also happened to be in that class with me, looked me up and down, and was like, it was the best decision he ever made to stay away from me. And I just remember smelling my hair. It was like, mm, that's Burnett's vodka."

The Wholesome Present [00:03:00]

• Now, her Saturdays are completely different, focused on family and home life.
• Activities include family time, dog walks, and home-cooked meals with storytelling.
• She wakes up on Sundays feeling refreshed, a stark contrast to her past hangovers.

  "Now my Saturdays are what they write about in the wholesome books, okay? I am so wholesome. I'm doing family time every Saturday. I'm at the park with my dogs. I'm doing a home-cooked meal that my dad made us, and we're all sitting around the fire pit, and we're telling stories of the good old days from our childhood on the cul-de-sac."

Reflecting on Early Drinking Habits [00:04:00]

• The speaker questions if this shift is a sign of getting older, possibly in her 30s.
• She admits to starting drinking at a young age, possibly as early as seventh grade.
• She acknowledges her 20s were spent drinking heavily.

  "I think I had my first drink when I was in seventh grade. It wasn't like a drink, you know? It was just like a, let's try alcohol for the first time. But yeah, so I started early. High school, I was having fun."

Comfort During Wedding Season with Airbnb [00:06:30]

• The speaker discusses the challenges of attending fall weddings while pregnant.
• Airbnb has been a "game changer" for finding comfortable accommodations near venues.
• Having a kitchen to prepare meals and snacks, and a comfortable couch for downtime, are highlighted benefits.

  "And don't get me wrong, I love a good wedding, but the more pregnant I get, the less willing I am to sacrifice comfort for literally anything, okay? So as Matt and I have been traveling for fall weddings, Airbnb has been such a game changer."

Friendship Betrayal and Second Chances [00:09:00]

• A listener asks for advice on whether to give a friendship a second chance after her best friend betrayed her confidence.
• The speaker acknowledges the pain of betrayal but suggests that people can grow and change.
• She emphasizes the importance of open communication and understanding the impact of the betrayal.

  "But I will say, I think as you get older and you experience things, like we fuck up. And I'm not saying that it's okay to fuck your friend over. Trust me, I'm this girl, I'm pissed at her for what she did to you."

Addressing a Partner's Over-Promising [00:13:00]

• A listener describes her boyfriend as an "over-promiser" who often cancels plans.
• The speaker agrees this is frustrating and can lead to resentment.
• She advises an open conversation, focusing on how his actions affect her feelings and the relationship.

  "Absolutely. That would annoy the shit out of me. If my partner was constantly selling me these ideas and these dreams and like, I'm sorry, but a dream is a dinner. Okay, for me, a dream is a dinner."

Charm vs. Flirting: Intent vs. Impact [00:16:30]

• A listener's partner is charming but his behavior is perceived as flirting by others.
• He insists it's just his personality, but both the listener and others interpret it as flirtatious.
• The speaker stresses that intent doesn't matter as much as the impact and how the behavior lands.

  "I don't give a fuck about your intent, bitch boy. Okay. I don't care if you're like, I wasn't really flirted. Listen, if enough people, the general consensus in the room is your boyfriend is coming off like that, then he needs to correct himself."

Assessing a New Relationship for a Weekend Visit [00:19:30]

• A listener is considering visiting a guy she's been talking to for a month, living in NYC.
• She asks how to know if there's enough foundation for a weekend trip.
• The speaker shares her past experiences, both good and bad, with traveling to meet men.

  "Honey, you're talking to a reformed, what would the word be? I got miles, okay? I got miles on me, okay? I was flying all over the country at one point."

Red Flags in a New Relationship [00:24:00]

• The speaker advises extensive FaceTimes and comfortable silences to gauge compatibility.
• She suggests observing persistence in inviting you over and avoiding last-minute invites.
• She warns against meeting someone primarily through late-night or drunk calls/texts.

  "I think that allows you to see like, oh, we really vibe with each other and this is, we're comfortable with each other in a way that doesn't feel like we have to be so fucking on right now and we're like, okay, bye and it's like an awkward dance that you're doing."

A Disastrous First Meeting [00:25:30]

• The speaker recounts a particularly bad experience traveling to meet a hockey player.
• He was late and at a bar with friends when she arrived, making her feel like an idiot.
• Her gut instinct immediately told her it was going to be a disaster.

  "Turns out he was at a bar with his friends and I was like, hey, I'm here and he's like, oh, like we're down at like Spotted Pig or whatever. Like I'll be back in like 15 minutes and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, like totally cool, totally cool."

Partner's Temper Tantrum Over a Watch [00:29:00]

• A listener's boyfriend had a severe temper tantrum over a lost watch, leaving her genuinely scared.
• The speaker highlights this as a major red flag, especially at the five-month mark.
• She advises assessing his reaction and whether he takes accountability or justifies his behavior.

  "My worry for you is like the fact that you said it, I was genuinely scared and this was over a watch. I agree with you. I think that your gut instinct is right of like, wait a second."

The Marathon Sex Session Dilemma [00:33:00]

• A listener is exhausted by her boyfriend's sexual stamina, with sessions lasting two to three hours.
• The speaker finds this concept personally overwhelming and suggests humor as an approach.
• She advises honesty, perhaps framing it as wanting shorter, more frequent encounters.

  "Oh my god wait that's like literally my nightmare oh my god two to three hours oh wow okay listen there's like you know first of all it's like for me personally listen some of you may be just like freaks like three hours let's go it for me personally I could never like that's just too fucking long"

Engagement Without Prior Discussion [00:37:00]

• A listener's boyfriend proposed after a year and a half, despite them never discussing engagement or timelines.
• They had always agreed living together before engagement was important, which he skipped.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of honoring agreed-upon steps and suggests a long engagement.

  "I agree that it's a little shocking that there was a clear boundary that you had and then this person proposed I I think you need to have a really honest conversation because I think there's clearly a disconnect."