Couples who say a ‘sleep divorce’ helps their marriages

ABC News

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Video Summary

Couples are embracing "sleep divorce," a practice of sleeping in separate rooms, to improve their rest and relationships. Lindsay and Jared Shelton, married for over 12 years, found that separating their sleeping spaces significantly boosted their sleep quality and reduced marital friction caused by snoring and other disturbances. This trend, also adopted by celebrities like Kaley Cuoco and Bette Midler, challenges the traditional notion that sleeping together is essential for intimacy, with many couples reporting that it actually enhances their connection by allowing them to be better rested and more present with each other.

While the idea of a "sleep divorce" might sound drastic, experts like clinical psychologist Wendy Troxell emphasize that it doesn't necessarily signal the end of a relationship. Instead, it can be a practical solution for couples struggling with sleep issues, promoting better communication and overall well-being. The practice is not new, with historical examples like Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip, and even censors in the 1950s separating the "I Love Lucy" stars. For many, separate bedrooms offer a sanctuary that ultimately strengthens the marital bond by ensuring both partners wake up refreshed and ready to engage fully in their shared lives.

Short Highlights

"Sleep divorce" involves couples sleeping in separate rooms to improve rest and relationships.
Lindsay and Jared Shelton found their sleep divorce improved sleep quality and reduced marital friction.
Celebrities and everyday couples are embracing separate sleeping arrangements.
Experts suggest sleep divorce can enhance relationships by promoting better rest and communication.
Historical examples show separate sleeping arrangements are not a new concept.
Couples report that sleeping apart can lead to increased intimacy and a stronger bond.

Key Details

The Rise of Sleep Divorce [00:00]

Lindsay and Jared Shelton, married for over 12 years, have adopted a "sleep divorce," sleeping in separate rooms.
This practice involves "divorcing your sleep" or "sleep separation" rather than an emotional one.
Jared initially felt nervous about bringing up the topic, fearing it would be perceived as emotional separation.

"We've got an extra bedroom now. We've got an extra bed. Let's just try it out and see how it goes for both of us."

Initial Reactions and Benefits [00:41]

Lindsay found she "kind of liked" having her own space for reading and watching shows.
Jared reported sleeping much better and feeling great the next day after trying separate rooms.
Lindsay chronicled their transition on social media, questioning if this was the life she had been missing.

"Is this the life I've been missing?"

Wider Adoption and Celebrity Endorsements [01:20]

Other couples are posting about their solo sleeping arrangements, highlighting the growing trend.
Actress Kaley Cuoco shared how her fiancé found sleeping in another room to be a "game changer."
Singer Bette Midler attributed her nearly 42-year marriage to separate bedrooms, citing her husband's snoring.

"Separate bedrooms because my husband snores."

Addressing Sleep Issues and Intimacy Concerns [02:10]

Lindsay and Jared's decision stemmed from Jared's snoring, which had bothered Lindsay for years.
Previous attempts to improve sleep, like removing dogs from the bed or using earplugs, were unsuccessful.
Couples navigate intimacy through "adult sleepovers" or prioritizing time together, with separate spaces often being the preferred location for intimacy.

"I call it adult sleepover. You guys. Guess who's better, man? My mans."