I took a personality test. The result was brutal.

The Narcissism Score [0:34]

• After selling a company and gaining significant wealth, the speaker hired a life coach who administered a unique personality test.
• The test results showed extremely low scores in most categories, but an exceptionally high score in "narcissism" (over 100).
• Initially, the speaker reacted with pride, seeing it as a win, but then grappled with the implications of being called arrogant and narcissistic.

  As a narcissist, I was like, that's right. I win.

Understanding Narcissism [2:23]

• The coach explained that high narcissism traits mean feeling special and that normal rules don't apply, a feeling the speaker recognized in himself.
• This belief in being extraordinary can be motivating but also detrimental if not balanced.
• The core issue with this trait is a vague sense of specialness without specific understanding, leading to a search for external validation.

  The thing about it, why it's called narcissism instead of just self-confidence or self-belief is you don't know what it is that's special about you.

The Danger of External Validation [4:05]

• Seeking validation from others for one's specialness can lead to extreme highs when received and lows when absent.
• Even in highly successful situations, the speaker experiences insecurity and a desire to be seen as special by others.
• The solution lies in becoming aware of this tendency and getting clear about one's own special qualities to avoid needing external affirmation.

  The danger in that and seeking that validation of your specialness from others because you'll get a high high when you get it, but you'll get a lower than normal low when you just lack it.

A Blunt Truth from Scott Harrison [6:25]

• Scott Harrison of Charity Water called the speaker to point out his excessive use of the word "like" while podcasting.
• The speaker experienced simultaneous embarrassment and appreciation for the direct, albeit uncomfortable, feedback.
• This incident highlighted the rarity of people willing to offer such honest, non-self-serving truths.

  You got to stop saying like, you say like all the time, huh?

The Sushi Restaurant Dream [7:57]

• At 21, the speaker and two friends conceived a sushi restaurant chain, driven by confidence but lacking relevant experience.
• Investors were skeptical due to the speaker's lack of background in food or sushi.
• Despite this, a win in a business plan competition fueled their ambition, demonstrating beginner's confidence without practical knowledge.

  Now you might be wondering how does somebody who looks like me start a sushi chain?

The Flawed Business Plan [9:41]

• The team spent months meticulously planning, creating detailed financial models and operational structures, believing this constituted "hard work."
• This focus on planning avoided the actual, difficult work of validating the idea in the real world.
• They presented a massive, 250-page business plan to a founder of a successful chain restaurant, hoping for approval.

  And for me, that was planning. And so we were writing our plan. We were creating forecasts, financial models.

Pity, Not Rejection [11:19]

• The experienced founder reviewed their plan but didn't read it thoroughly, instead showing pity for their misguided efforts.
• He explained that starting a restaurant requires action: securing a location, signing a lease, and opening doors to serve customers.
• The founders were left deflated, realizing their extensive planning was meaningless without execution.

  I don't know what you're doing. I don't know why you're doing this. But this is not how you start a restaurant.

The "Opposite" Strategy [13:30]

• Inspired by a Seinfeld episode where George Costanza embraces the "opposite" of his usual behavior, the speaker decided to shift from planning to action.
• This meant abandoning the "chicken salad" of comfortable planning for the "tuna on toast" of immediate action.
• This new "bias for action" approach impressed a mentor a year later, who noted their exceptional drive.

  And so from then on, I decided to become a man of action and I became religious and I worshiped at the church of action and I, everything just became about action.

The Shy Boy and the Love Note [16:00]

• The speaker, once very shy, recalls being called the "laugh track" by his sister due to his background role in social situations.
• He wrote an abstract love note for a girl, which she found amusingly detached from reality, not realizing it was for her.
• To avoid admitting his feelings, he lied, inventing a fictitious girlfriend from another school, a lie he maintained for six months.

  And she reads this note and she realizes it's this like very, like this love letter, basically.

Reinvention in China [18:06]

• The lie led to a move to China, where his sister encouraged him to reinvent himself in a new environment where no one knew his past.
• He decided to emulate a popular, charismatic classmate named Casey Prisman, adopting his behaviors and persona.
• This experience taught him the power of conscious self-reinvention, a strategy he has used multiple times since.

  So you know what that means, right? You could be anybody.

From Entrepreneur to Podcaster [20:19]

• The speaker transitioned from being a tech entrepreneur to intentionally reinventing himself as a podcaster (Tim Ferriss).
• He decided to create a podcast, believing he could entertain and provide insight, even before he had fully embodied that identity.
• This decision led to the creation of his podcast, "My First Million," by taking immediate action based on his new self-concept.

  And I just decided that. I wasn't that yet, but I believed it and I decided it.

Embracing the Lessons [22:00]

• The speaker reflects on how these three embarrassing moments, though painful, served as crucial turning points.
• He emphasizes that while dignity might be lost in such moments, significant gains in learning and growth are possible.
• The core message is to identify what was gained from the embarrassment and use it for future growth.

  The question is of what? And when you start to answer that question, you start to grow from it.