Why Do Women Lose Interest In Sex After Marriage?

Chris Williamson

2,595 views • 18 hours ago Save 5 min 3 min read

Video Summary

A perplexing decline in women's sexual desire within relationships, often occurring within the first year, defies simple explanations like fertility. One theory suggests sex initially serves as a "mate retention strategy" to secure a partner, but later transforms into a "bargaining chip." This perspective aligns with studies indicating women report satisfaction with their sexual frequency, while men desire twice as much, suggesting couples often align with female preferences.

The discussion also delves into broader questions about human nature, contrasting evolutionary psychology's focus on hunter-gatherer societies with the idea that modern, affluent societies might reveal true underlying traits. The paradox suggests that abundance could allow innate human characteristics to express themselves to an extreme degree, potentially amplifying sex differences.

Short Highlights

Women's sexual desire in relationships declines sharply, often within the first year, a phenomenon not solely tied to fertility.
One theory posits sex functions as an initial "mate retention strategy" to secure a partner.
Later in relationships, sex may shift to become a "bargaining chip."
Studies suggest couples often settle on a sexual frequency aligned with women's desires, with men compromising.
The nature of human psychology is debated: is it best understood through ancestral hunter-gatherer societies or modern, affluent ones?
Abundance in modern societies might allow innate traits to manifest to an extreme degree, potentially amplifying sex differences.

Key Details

The Mystery of Declining Female Desire [0:00]

The discussion opens with a question about why women's sexual desire seems to decline faster than men's in relationships.
This decline is observed to be precipitous, potentially halving within the first year and continuing to drop thereafter.
"why do you think women's sexual desire declines faster than men's in relationships"

Mate Retention vs. Bargaining Chip [2:00]

One hypothesis suggests that early in a relationship, high sexual desire in women acts as a "mate retention strategy" to keep a partner committed.
As the relationship progresses and the partner is secured, the strategic function of sex may change.
"it's like oh the first year or two sort of a a mate retention strategy right you're in a new relationship so you would want to sort of boost your sexual uh uh you know whatever libido you're getting"

The Bargaining Chip Theory [3:30]

The idea is proposed that sex might later become a "bargaining chip" within a long-term relationship.
This aligns with studies showing women report wanting a certain amount of sex, while men report wanting double, suggesting couples often meet the woman's desired frequency.
"maybe the strategic function of non-conceptive sex because there's two types of sex right there's concept of sex and non-conceptive sex and humans are weird that we do both"

Evolutionary Psychology and Human Nature [7:00]

The conversation shifts to what best reflects "human nature" for psychological study.
One perspective emphasizes studying ancestral hunter-gatherer societies, reflecting the environment in which humans evolved for most of their history.
"we need to collect data from other countries and other uh parts of the world and you know look historically and so on"

The Abundance Paradox [9:00]

An alternative view questions whether studying scarcity-driven societies reveals true human nature, or if modern, affluent societies, where basic needs are met, allow underlying traits to emerge.
This "abundance paradox" suggests that human nature might express itself to an "unnaturally extreme degree" in environments of plenty, potentially amplifying observed sex differences.
"now that you have all of your needs met now sort of the true underlying uh traits and attributes and characteristics can finally emerge and um you know instantiate themselves"