What Mentally Strong People Do on Their Worst Days | Psychotherapist Amy Morin

Redefining Mental Health [00:03:00]

• Mental health is often treated as a destination to achieve, but it is more accurate to view it as mental fitness—a practice that requires constant work.
• Despite the boom in mental health awareness and social media advice, anxiety and depression rates continue to rise.

  mental health sounds like some goal you have to achieve which nobody ever will we're always falling short where mental fitness like physical fitness is something you're always working on

The Trap of Labeling Feelings [00:04:45]

• People frequently confuse normal human emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration with mental health problems.
• Naming a feeling as a disorder, such as calling pre-presentation nerves 'social anxiety,' can lead to unnecessary self-diagnosis.

  we have confused feelings like having feelings like you're sad yeah you're angry you're frustrated you're overwhelmed is not a mental health problem that's just life

Solving Problems vs. Solving Feelings [00:07:30]

• A common pitfall is attempting to 'solve' a feeling (like anxiety) by avoiding the situation that caused it, which only creates longer-term problems.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on changing thoughts to shift feelings and behaviors, creating a positive feedback loop.

  the avoidance doesn't make it go away so on tuesday when you wake up in the morning you don't suddenly i can't wait to go to work today it often becomes more difficult

The Financial Disincentive of Therapy [00:11:15]

• There is a potential conflict of interest where therapists may rely on active income and may be disincentivized to fully 'cure' a client.
• Some individuals seek therapy not for clinical illness, but to validate their narratives or navigate issues learned from social media.

  there's a financial disincentive for therapists to get you better you know because you you that most therapists don't make passive income they only make active income

The Reality of Grief and Loss [00:15:30]

• Personal tragedy, such as losing a spouse or parent, forces a choice between staying stuck in pain or finding a way to build a new life.
• The speaker emphasizes that while grief requires time, there is a point where one must choose to move forward to avoid long-term stagnation.

  i didn't want to be that person who said yeah i'm now 36 10 years after i lost my husband and my life still isn't good

The Myth of 'Mental Health Days' [00:19:00]

• Staying in bed to avoid work or responsibilities is often an avoidant strategy that makes the individual feel worse in the long run.
• True mental fitness involves meeting oneself halfway—allowing for rest but eventually choosing to engage with the world.

  i'm gonna stay in bed a little longer but then at 11 up and at them

Scheduling Emotions [00:21:00]

• It is possible to compartmentalize emotions, allowing oneself to feel sad at appropriate times while remaining functional during professional duties.
• Using distractions, such as looking at happy photos, can be a valid tool to manage mood in the short term.

  this isn't helpful right now i'll let myself feel that later what am i going to do right now

The Danger of Avoiding Hardship [00:24:00]

• Avoiding difficult conversations or tasks provides immediate relief but creates significant long-term liabilities.
• One must distinguish between solving a problem and merely managing the feelings associated with that problem.

  when we tackle issues in our life from the wrong angle we don't ask ourselves often enough do i need to solve how i feel or solve the problem itself

The Power of a Comeback Story [00:27:00]

• Choosing to view a tragedy as the start of a 'comeback story' rather than a permanent state of victimhood is a powerful psychological tool.
• This mindset shifts the focus from what was lost to the potential of what can be created.

  i wanted my story the next chapter of my story to be of somebody who had been through tough things yet created this beautiful life

The Benefit of Hardship [00:30:30]

• While tragedies are never desired, they can strip away insecurities and foster a level of bravery that might not have developed otherwise.
• Having survived the worst, minor inconveniences or negative reviews lose their power to cause distress.

  i've been through the worst of the worst yeah negative review just doesn't do it anymore yeah go ahead and do that i'm okay now

Playing the Victim vs. Being a Victim [00:33:30]

• Being a victim is an objective status following a tragedy, while 'playing the victim' is a behavioral choice to stay stuck.
• Playing the victim can feel empowering in the short term because it validates a narrative that someone else is to blame.

  whenever we get into this victimhood it correlates with self-pity and just thinking i don't have the skills tools and resources to get through something

Breaking Patterns with Accountability [00:37:00]

• Journaling by hand is an effective way to identify patterns in one's life, such as repeatedly choosing the same type of toxic partner.
• Recognizing an 'origin story' for these patterns allows for change without resorting to self-blame or playing the victim.

  anything we can get out of our heads and put on a piece of paper helps us see things differently we see it more clearly

Avoiding 'Being' Verbs [00:40:00]

• Language matters: using 'being' verbs (e.g., 'I am anxious') locks a person into an identity, whereas using 'sometimes' or 'I have a tendency' allows for change.
• Adopting flexible language creates room for hope and future growth.

  it's not who you are you can choose to be different in the next relationship if you want

The Practice of Scheduling Worry [00:46:00]

• Research suggests that setting aside a specific 15-minute window each day to worry can significantly reduce generalized anxiety.
• This strategy prevents worry from consuming the entire day and allows for a more disciplined mental approach.

  research will show when you set aside just 15 minutes a day to worry that you sit down and you've got to put it in your calendar you've got to actually schedule it

The Value of Social Support [00:49:00]

• Inviting friends to 'sit in the mud' during difficult times is a way to process emotions without feeling alone.
• Denying others the chance to support you can be seen as selfish, as it denies them the honor of being a true friend.

  it is such an honor to be invited to sit in mud with someone and to be there with them the whole idea is i didn't want to bother you

Conclusion on Mental Fitness [00:51:00]

• Mental fitness is a lifelong practice of checking off habits and making choices, rather than a passive state of being.
• The goal is to build the strength to navigate life's inevitable ups and downs.

  the minute you call it mental fitness yeah the whole thing i we're talking about checklist i mean it's like having a workout