The Most UNHINGED Woman In Financial Audit History

River's Low Income and Clark's Demands [00:04:10]

• River, 29, works as a server at a coffee shop, earning $11.50/hour.
• Clark, 30, is an assistant warehouse manager earning $21/hour, working 45-65 hours/week.
• River wants Clark to quit his job, a demand they've argued about for years.

  "Well, I told him that I need him to leave his job. It's been a fight that we've had for many years."

The Sister's Graduation Ultimatum [00:06:20]

• River gives Clark an ultimatum: if he doesn't have a new job by the time her sister graduates high school, they are done.
• Clark questions the relevance of his sister's graduation to his job.
• River feels extra responsible for her sister's future.

  "What the f*** does your sister graduate in high school have to do with anything?"

Living Situation and Family Responsibilities [00:08:00]

• The couple lives with River's mother, who is disabled.
• They help around the house and with River's mother.
• River feels responsible for her younger sister, who is under 18.

  "I don't have to be responsible for her anymore."

River's Objections to Clark's Job [00:10:00]

• River finds Clark's job unprofessional and believes the mom-and-pop establishment takes advantage of him.
• She argues he uses the job as an escape from family and their relationship.
• Clark points out that his job pays the bills and there are many other jobs available.

  "Because he utilizes his job as a way of not being involved in our family or our relationship."

Masturbation at Work Allegations [00:12:30]

• River claims Clark was masturbating at work.
• She found out by looking at his phone, specifically an incognito mode mishap.
• Clark admits to masturbating at work a long time ago.

  "He was screen recording himself jacking off? No, mother f***er didn't know how to use incognito mode."

Openness and Communication Issues [00:16:00]

• River desires more communication and openness from Clark, especially regarding his relationships with women at work.
• Clark feels River's demands are unreasonable and that she's projecting her insecurities.
• They discuss their past couples therapy and River's insecurity issues.

  "About what? About what? About his relationships with women at work."

Cheating Allegations and Projection [00:22:00]

• Clark accuses River of cheating on him, which he believes is the root of her insecurity.
• River admits to cheating in the past when they were in an open relationship.
• Clark states he asked for monogamy, but River continued with a former partner.

  "Here's the reality from what I know. You cheated cause you're a whore and now you're projecting on him so extreme."

The "Asian Restaurant" Ban [00:24:00]

• River admits she is not allowed to go to Asian restaurants due to Clark's past experiences.
• Clark's past girlfriend was allegedly involved with someone at an Asian restaurant.
• River claims Clark's enjoyment of Asian culture is a trigger.

  "Because my ex-girlfriend, uh, was big to me. It was? Is that really the only reason?"

Flirting with Coworkers [00:37:00]

• River admits to flirting with a coworker at her new job.
• She downplays it, saying she only talked and laughed with him and learned about his personal life.
• Clark considers this flirting to be cheating and would be upset if he did it.

  "I just flirted with one of the cooks. What did you do?"

Physical Altercation and Drug Use [00:45:00]

• River admits to physically assaulting Clark after he brought cocaine into the house.
• She describes punching him, causing lumps and pain.
• Both admit to past and ongoing drug use, including Gabapentin and weed.

  "She said it was one of the hardest punches she's ever thrown. I didn't feel it until the next day."

The Birdhouse Incident and Separation [00:52:00]

• During their anniversary trip, they planned to build a birdhouse but didn't finish it due to drug use and other activities.
• River became upset, threw the unfinished birdhouse away, and told Clark to leave.
• Clark left for about a week, sleeping in his car and at a friend's house.

  "She got upset, threw it away, and I was like, that's our fing relationship. If you want to throw that away, then f off."

River's Mother and Financial Mismanagement [01:05:00]

• River stole money from her disabled mother's disability funds to gamble.
• She admits to having a gambling problem and using the stolen money at a casino.
• Clark reveals he sold nearly everything he owned to pay back debts and help cover expenses.

  "I stole money from my disabled mom that sounds pretty evil."

Financial Irresponsibility and Debt [01:15:00]

• River has a negative checking account balance and significant credit card debt.
• She has multiple Afterpay accounts and a history of impulse purchases.
• Clark has a car loan with a high interest rate and student loans.

  "You need to stop that as a habit. Apple will, same with the after pay. After pay, after pay, after pay."

Addiction and Relationship Dynamics [01:22:00]

• Both River and Clark met in AA but have struggled with sobriety.
• River accuses Clark of not getting clean for her, while he states he has been sober from THC products for longer.
• The host and co-host strongly advise them to separate due to their shared addiction and toxic dynamic.

  "You guys shouldn't be together. It might work if we got sober together."

Host's Financial Audit and Advice [01:30:00]

• The host presents a budget for Clark, suggesting he move closer to work to save on rent and gas.
• Clark's financial score is a 0/10.
• The host offers to pay for Clark's divorce filing if he shows a receipt.

  "I highly recommend therapy. I'll get you therapy. I'll also, if it costs money to file for your divorce, I'll pay for it."

River's Departure and Clark's Future [01:40:00]

• River leaves the show, refusing to return.
• Clark is advised to focus on his finances, pay off debt, and potentially find a new job.
• The host expresses hope that Clark will never see River again.

  "She is crazy, dude. People very rarely leave you, especially at the end. We're at the end."