The Hidden Cost of Success - Tom Wheelwright & Dr. Angelica Perez-Litwin

The Perils of Unchecked Ambition [0:00]

• Ambition can be a powerful driver of success but also a potential trap, leading high achievers to become their work and lose their sense of self.
• Entrepreneurs, in particular, are known for becoming so consumed by their work that they struggle with their identity when business ventures conclude.

  "so ambition is it always good is it bad is there times when you your ambition can be so tied to your work that you lose who you are and you actually become your work"

Understanding "The Great Unraveling" [2:08]

• Dr. Angelica Perez Litwin, a clinical psychologist with 20 years of experience working with high achievers, noticed a recurring pattern of distress among successful individuals.
• These individuals, often executives, entrepreneurs, and physicians, present with external success but internal unease, seeking therapy for burnout or anxiety.

  "they have the big house they have a nice car they have the great spouse and healthy children and something underneath is just not right"

Ambition vs. Over-Attachment to Achievement [3:42]

• The book "The Great Unraveling" is not anti-ambition; rather, it addresses the "other side" of high achievement when work consumes one's life.
• Ambition provides meaning and purpose, driving progress and capitalist society, but when achievement becomes the sole source of identity and safety, problems arise.

  "the book the great unraveling is really about what happens when high achievement and work in general takes over your life when everything about work centers around what you do and how much you achieve"

The Pattern of Career Distress Response [6:17]

• Highly accomplished individuals often feel overwhelmed, unable to stop thinking about or working, and disengaged from life outside work.
• A nervous system activation occurs, leading to anxiety and a feeling of unsafety when not working, manifesting in physical symptoms like gut issues and headaches.

  "they develop this sort of nervous system activation if they're not working they feel unsafe they feel anxious they feel like something is going to fall apart right"

Psychological Architecture of Distress [8:05]

• Career distress stems from tying identity, self-worth, and emotional safety to achievement, performance, titles, and roles.
• This over-attachment leads to multi-dimensional distress, impacting psychological, physiological, and personal life domains, causing disconnection from loved ones and joy.

  "the identity and self-worth and emotional safety is tied to achievement and performance and titles and roles and when that happens that psychological sort of over attachment to achievement"

Navigating the "Cliff" of Change [10:10]

• For those deeply identified with their work, the idea of stopping or slowing down feels like falling off a cliff, leading to anxiety and a fear of losing their edge.
• This intense activation can decrease confidence and impair decision-making, making individuals feel like they are "falling apart."

  "am i going to lose my job am i going to lose my edge are people going to notice i'm not confident so their confidence level starts decreasing"

Early Warning Signs and Self-Assessment [11:54]

• Individuals should assess if they have difficulty disconnecting from work, if setbacks feel like personal failures, and if they can detach and be present on vacation.
• Ignoring these signs can lead to the "unraveling," resulting in relationship breakdowns, such as divorce, due to a lack of presence and focus on work.

  "can i detach from work and go on vacation and fully be present somewhere else those are the warning signs"

The Process of Healing and Regulation [14:05]

• Therapy involves regulating distress, assessing underlying issues like anxiety, and addressing the core psychological relationship with work.
• This deep work helps individuals see themselves as more than their jobs, often requiring exploration of conditioned experiences from childhood.

  "helping them sort of see themselves that they're more than just work and that is not easy work that's deep work"

Diversifying Life for Entrepreneurs [17:08]

• Entrepreneurs, whose businesses are deeply intertwined with their identity, must learn to "diversify their life" to avoid collapse when selling or stepping away.
• This involves not investing all self-worth into the business and hiring a strong team to allow the leader to engage in other life aspects.

  "it's about not investing all your eggs of like self-worthiness and who you are in life and satisfaction and meaning all of it in your business that is the biggest failure"

Rekindling Lost Ambition [22:10]

• A loss of ambition can signal burnout or depression, requiring help to rekindle activities and projects that re-energize and excite individuals.
• This involves identifying and leaning into other fulfilling aspects of life to regain a sense of purpose and productivity.

  "i wonder if they're burned out to begin with number one i also wonder if there's some sort of depression going on as well"

Redefining Success and Focus [24:05]

• The concept of "winning" in business needs to be balanced with a personal definition of success that includes life outside work.
• Diversifying focus doesn't mean abandoning work but rather allocating small, consistent amounts of time to personal life and delegating effectively at work.

  "when we talk about focus we're also talking about time right so we're not saying you don't have to be focused 24 hours seven days a week right"

Steps to Diversify Life [27:42]

• Awareness: Take inventory of one's psychological and physiological state, recognizing the cost of success on personal life.
• Understanding Roots: Explore the origins of these patterns to gain control over behaviors.
• Regulation & Reconnection: Calm the mind, regulate emotions, engage in physical activity, and nurture deep connections with loved ones.

  "the very first thing i do which is normally what therapists also do is to for people to become aware i think a lot of people who are high performers and high achievers they're always here over here they never they're in the head all the time"

The Cost of Disconnection [31:00]

• Extreme focus on work leads to a lack of intimacy, isolation, and loneliness, paradoxically driving individuals further into work as an escape.
• This can culminate in severe health issues like heart attacks or cancer after retirement or selling a business, highlighting the critical need for balance.

  "there's such a lack of intimacy there's a feeling of isolation and loneliness and the more they get lonely guess what happens the more they go to work"

A Call to Action [33:10]

• Dr. Perez Litwin emphasizes that success is beautiful, but humans need to pause and recognize their own needs to avoid a crisis.
• The goal is to view work as just one part of life, balancing investment in it with its cost across personal, relational, and societal contributions.

  "i i i really want to sound the alarm like i i know success is beautiful i know running a business is wonderful but sometimes we need to pause and understand that we are also human and that matters"

Resources and Final Thoughts [34:30]

• Dr. Perez Litwin can be found on LinkedIn and through her website, angelicaperezlitwin.com, and a Substack newsletter.
• The Wealthability Show emphasizes that true success includes health and a diversified life, which can ultimately lead to greater financial prosperity and tax efficiency.

  "and i i love this when we are when our life is is a little more diversified then i i think i think she's i think you're right i think we'll be make way more money"