Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes

Call Her Daddy

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Video Summary

After years of centering her art on activism and fighting systemic oppression, Janelle Monáe has pivoted to an unapologetic pursuit of pleasure. By curating safe spaces for her friends and documenting their collective joy, she transformed her latest project, The Age of Pleasure, into a "soundtrack to a lifestyle" that prioritizes self-love, sensuality, and community over the trauma of her past.

Monáe reveals that her journey to this state required deep healing from childhood abandonment issues stemming from her father’s struggle with addiction. By confronting these wounds and unlearning the shame associated with her sexuality and identity, she has reached a level of personal freedom that allows her to exist authentically, proving that true pleasure is impossible without first feeling safe within oneself.

Short Highlights

Healing from childhood abandonment and rejection trauma is the foundation for personal and creative freedom.
"Coming in" is a more accurate term than "coming out" because it represents inviting others into one's sacred, authentic world.
Privacy in romantic relationships is a protective choice that fosters happiness and reduces external pressure.
Reclaiming one's body through self-exploration and unlearning shame is essential for women to experience true pleasure.
Community and chosen family provide the necessary support system when birth families or traditional structures fail to affirm one's identity.

Key Details

Healing Abandonment [00:15:20]

Monáe identifies her father’s struggle with addiction as the root of her early rejection and abandonment trauma.
She emphasizes that forgiving her father allowed her to stop internalizing his absence as a personal failure.

I had to go back to those times that were painful that those times that i just had to forgive my dad i was like i have to forgive you you were struggling with drug addiction you were not um the best version of yourself and now that you are we get to make up for that we get to make up for that time

The Art of "Coming In" [00:46:15]

Monáe rejects the term "coming out," preferring "coming in" as it signifies inviting people into her world rather than seeking permission to exist.
She stresses that sharing one's sexuality is a personal choice that should not be forced by public speculation or media pressure.

It is bringing people, bringing people into our worlds. I'm letting you in on who I am versus like, you guys are the norm. And I'm just like, hi, I'm out here. Like, no, I'm letting you in to my world, which is sacred, which should be respected and appreciated.

Redefining Relationships [00:32:05]

The artist discusses her experience with polyamory, noting that it requires constant, real-time communication and unlearning societal norms.
She views past romantic failures as necessary catalysts that forced her to confront her own trauma and grow into a healthier partner.

I thanked the person who I was in a relationship with and it did not work out for us I thanked them I thanked them I said you know what and my emotional support coach said that I was going to do that it's like you are going to thank this person because you know what this person did for you they forced you to deal with something that you were not going to deal with

The Soundtrack to a Lifestyle [00:08:15]

Monáe created The Age of Pleasure by testing songs at private parties, ensuring they resonated with her friends before including them on the project.
The album serves as a love letter to the diaspora, featuring collaborations with artists like Grace Jones and Sister Nancy.

I wrote this this this project for my friends and for me and I was just like if we fuck with it that's all I care about