Ask Work It: How to set boundaries when your manager overshares

Manager Forwarding Criticism [0:34]

• Sarah's manager forwards messages from her demanding boss, which include scolding and criticism.
• This practice leaves Sarah feeling very uncomfortable.
• She is asking for advice on how to maintain healthy boundaries.

  "she says that her big boss is known for being demanding and has high expectations and she reports to her manager who often forwards messages from the big boss directly to sarah"

Personal Experience with a Manager [1:28]

• One host shares a past experience with a manager who was promoted from a peer position.
• The manager continued to complain about work to the host, who felt it was tone-deaf given the manager's higher pay and responsibilities.
• This situation highlights a similar dynamic to Sarah's, where a manager unloads their troubles onto a subordinate.

  "me who knew exactly how much more money he was earning with the added responsibilities so it felt a bit tone deaf for him to be telling me like wow look at how many things i have to do and i'm just there going like for your pay i would do it too"

Addressing the Manager Directly [3:07]

• It is suggested that Sarah ask her supervisor how he is feeling about these messages and why he forwards them.
• Understanding the manager's motivation could reveal a blind spot or a desire to vent.
• This approach might make the manager appear to be shielding the team, or conversely, incompetent.

  "i think maybe sarah just asking the the supervisor like like what's up you know with what's what's going on with these messages and"

Setting Boundaries with Concern [4:30]

• Sarah should request a private conversation with her manager, preferably in person.
• She should start by expressing concern for his well-being and asking how he is holding up.
• Then, she can share her perspective, emphasizing her role as an employee and her need for clarity on tasks, not on the big boss's unhappiness.

  "after that being seated best best in person don't do it over text right and then just ask your boss your manager like you know i know that things are going not so well"

Quitting vs. Confronting [6:25]

• The hosts debate whether this is a situation that warrants quitting.
• The general advice is not to quit based on a boss's incompetence unless the situation becomes toxic and affects well-being or progression.
• One host recounts an instance where an outburst directly addressed the issue with a peer-turned-manager, leading to improvement.

  "never quit based on your boss's incompetence okay don't don't do that because i feel like um as much as possible try to recover every situation as best unless it becomes toxic on you"

The Importance of Courtesy [7:45]

• While an outburst might work with a friend who became a manager, it's crucial to maintain courtesy with a direct supervisor.
• Sarah should aim for a conversation that shows concern and seeks clarity, rather than confrontation.
• The goal is to help the manager focus on his role and provide Sarah with clear direction for her work.

  "i think still having that that that courtesy because um you know that's a supervisor right not friend"